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Safely Home! Claudia - THANK YOU for commenting!!!!! I want to hear all about your trip!

The "funny" part of arriving at the airport Saturday morning was we saw long lines coming out of terminal 2 and it was due to terminal 1 being closed due to a bomb threat/scare! I'm tellin' ya people, don't we pick the days to travel? I made my flights, but Jonathan's was delayed so he missed his connection in Houston, so he arrived 1 1/2 hours later than me in Atlanta. Not a problem for either of us, when you're headed home time isn't of the essense. We don't usually travel separate, but I was on a FF ticket, and we booked the cheapest we could for him.

After the rough start, the rest of my week in San Antonio went smashingly. The more I see my doctor there, the more I thank God he's so diligent, caring, and helpful. Everything really went as perfectly as it could. The outcome is in God's hands, but at least I'm leaving with absolutely no regrets or second thoughts about how everything went.

Our friends we stayed with were awesome! I got to babysit their 14 month old for their anniversary dinner, we all went out for dinner on the Riverwalk another night, and each day Rebecca and I got tons of time for spiritual, personal, and fun conversations. We even took a trip to Starbucks with the little gal!

Now I thought I'd post some sweet pics over the past few week's events. How I love visiting family and friends.

Here's the cutie I got to play with every day!


This was Catherine and me at a pecan grove when the Wilsons visited

The cutest and smartest 2 year old ever! & I'm not too biased!

The Graduates!!!! (in May)

And this little girl will be 1 in less than a month! She's sooo pretty!

Mary's diligently showing her moves!

Texas Update

Well, I said I'd update so here I'm keeping my promise. I honestly didn't have time or even ability to write until this moment. A really good cry and a talk with my sister Mary allowed me to finally write this without a lot of pent up frustration and hurt.

My flight out was a literal nightmare. I had a 5:00 flight from Greensboro to Atlanta. It was to arrive at 6:00 in ATL with a connecting 8:30 takeoff for San Antonio. As I checked in, I was told the flight from Atlanta was delayed by an hour from mechanical problems. A sinking feeling overcame me as I feared I wasn't being told the possible "worst case" scenario. Foolishly, I sat and waited, believing them. At around 7:30 I was told we would be even later, totally missing my flight to San Antonio, the last of the night! I frantically talked to ticket agents (& got sweet Jonathan & Mary to look for possible flights elsewhere). I prompted them to look for flights out of RDU, CLT, GSO or even ATL (I said I'd drive there - and the ticket agent replied, "You're that desperate?" to which I emphatically agreed). I had them look at ones going into San Antonio or Austin (an hour away). I wasn't given any hope for that night, but there was a flight leaving at 8:00 the next morning from Atlanta going to San Antonio. It was booked, as was the 10:00 but they said I could do standby. The best I got was a 12:00 arriving at 1:30. Understand, I had a 10:30 appointment at a very busy hospital where rescheduling might be out of the question. And missing it might mean canceling the rest of the treatment/plan. I knew if I could just get internet or someone to help me I could probably find my own solution. But my cell was dieing and we'd stupidly left the charger in GA. And a windstorm in NC knocked the power off. Plus, apparently you can't search for flights that leave in > 4 hours.

I finally arrived in Atlanta at 10:00 with the SAT plane already gone. An Austin flight was leaving at 10:30 but the unhelpful agents refused to let me try. The told me it was full, but I seriously doubt it! I should have pushed. I regret not pushing. Resigned to sleeping in ATL, I went to get my hotel voucher so at least I didn't have to fork out the money. Guess what? Yep, they're out. Only after 1 1/2 hours (not exaggerating) in line. At that point I didn't care. I forked out $200 for 3 hours of sleep and a shower. No chance on getting my suitcase, so I made due with what I could get. I went to bed at 1:30 and awoke before my alarm at 4:30. I headed to the airport to sandby for the 8:00 flight. As I get into the terminal I checked the gate and read "8:00 SAT CANCELED." I couldn't freakin believe my luck! Surely the 10:00 will be full to the brim with this! My dead cell caused me to buy a $30 charger to be able to call the doctor and cancel the appointment and ask nicely if anything else was available. I finally got the first food I'd had in 13 hours - a Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte - and sat to try to get internet. I then saw there was an 8:30 into Austin, arriving 10am! I tried to get the boarding ladies to let me stand by, but they insisted it was full and they couldn't change my arrival city. Sent to another counter, I begged that lady to help. She at first gave me the company line about being full and not being able to change my city. But after tearful pleading (I'd all-out unashamedly cried multiple times all throughout the airport the last 13 hours), she wonderfully got me a seat on that flight! Not standby, a seat!

Thrilled, I tried to change the rental car arrangements. The price was more than double! I wasn't in a position to negotiate. We took off at the time planned and arrived beautifully. I got my car and wept I was so glad to see Texas soil! My luggage wasn't around (understandably, it was in SAT). I drove to San Antonio and it flew by. I actually stopped quickly and bought new clothes, just so I wasn't so haggard. The doctor kindly called me and said they'd fit me in where they could. I finally made it there and headed to the clinic. I parked quicker than I ever have, except at 5:00am. There was a line of 7-8 ladies just to check in the clinic! My doctor appeared from behind a door and told me to come on back, probably really irritating all those waiting ladies! Once in the office, I couldn't believe the nightmare was over. I kept waiting for something awful to happen. But I was there. I was getting my ultrasound, and things looked good. There were no problems. I could breathe.

I think it took until now to actually release all my anger over everything I went though. Yes, it wasn't that awful in retrospect and yes, everything worked out fine. Anger isn't godly and I should have done better. But I didn't, and I'm dealing with it now and asking God to work the kind of patience and trust in me that I don't take such bumps so seriously. But I'm being honest.

Tonight, I gave myself my first IM (intra-muscular) shot. I did awesome, thank God for mirrors so I could do it! It was so easy. Even though the 1.25 inch needle looked scary, it wasn't. The sub-q inejctions were good preparation. I've posted a pic of my drugs, the IM needle, and me shooting up with the sub-q (no IM pics, it's a butt shot). I had to give myself a sub-q in the car on the way to the airport, for fear of having it confiscated from my carry-on luggage! I'm a pro now. I think Jonathan will be really glad to know in the future, I'll handle my own shots. But I'm glad he got to do it and understands what it's like.

I'll update with more fun news at week's end. Hopefully something fun in San Antonio is awaiting me, like a RiverWalk trip!

My drugs.... Well, one day's worth.

My sub-q shot

My IM needle

Well.... tomorrow we're headed out for an exciting whirwind visit around.

Frist, we'll drive to Charlotte and stay with the McMahons Thursday night! We haven't seen them since we moved, which seems like forever ago! We always have great food and fellowship so I'm really looking forward to that! Especially with Jennifer, aka Ryan's fiancee, now a part of the clan! We may hop over the next morning to see the Freas' while we wait for Christopher to get out of his last class... How come right before the Wilson boys head off to college 2 hours from home they get in serious relationships where all they want to do it get home on the weekend (yet they have no car)? *laughs* It's ironic, Jonathan and I did the same thing! Anyway...

Then we drive back to Milton! I get two lovely days with my family and everyone's suppose to be around. Not only that, but it won't be one of those super-busy weekends where J & I are one of about 10 people visiting. It's just us. How nice! Mary and I are intent on getting some good girl-coffee time! And I have a little present I think Suzanne will like (especially since it's from Starbucks). :)

Then, Sunday I head to Greensboro to fly to San Antonio! I'm super excited about that, although understandably cautiously optimistic. I'll be staying with my best friend there and when Jonathan flys in Wednesday so will he. We fly back to Atlanta Saturday.

Yep, I'm headed to San Antonio to WHMC. I've had my blood drawn and sent over to them (a fiasco in itself) and I'm good to go. The next protocol for them to attempt is combined drugs this time - Clomid and Gonal-F for those interested. Clomid is oral and Gonal-F is the nice sub-q injection I'll be doing. I'm nervously excited. Nervous since I've had little practice purposely stuck myself with a needle. To be precise, it's the injecting that I'm worried about (some say it stings), but not the needle insertion. Excited, because every step further along means perhaps a better chance this time. Now I understand the doctors and chance do not make the outcome what it is - it's ultimately in the hand of the Lord no matter what. What outwardly doesn't look like success will be if Christ has been cherished and faith (in His character and intentions) held onto.

Of course, there is always the overhanging risk of being canceled after all the time, effort, and finances spent on giving it a go. It's called overstimulating, and simply put they don't want someone ending up pregnant with "high order multiples" (i.e. more than twins), so if this risk looks real, you're canceled. Over and over the doctor has explained this to me as we've planned this ever since our December move. I always voiced understanding/compliance, but now with the money spent and plans in motion, the real possibility weighs on me. Again, a matter to rest in the Omnipotent Lord's hands. We walk through this trusting His leading.

So... I'll bring my computer and post updates from San Antonio, as I'm going to try to visit with my dear friends and not work too much. :) Can't wait to go to the RiverWalk again, too. Jonathan and I will do that one day.

See some of you soon!

Military Wife :)

I came across this list years ago and couldn't help but wonder if they'd be true for me. Today, a year and a half later, you bet they are!!! (I edited out ones that weren't but these are so applicable I have to laugh!)

You know You're a Military Wife If...

...you can unpack a house and have everything in place in 48 hours
...your husband's work and dress clothes cost more than yours do
...you know that it's normal to light shoe polish on fire and that the best way to spit-shine boots is with cotton balls
...you only write in pencil because everything is subject to change
...you need a translator to talk to your civilian friends, only because they have no idea what DFAS, AER, TDY, ACS, NPD, PCS, and ETS mean
...you can remember where you kept the Scotch tape in your last house, but unfortunately, not in this one
...you mark time in duty stations, not years [um, yes!]
...you refer to friends not only by name but by the state that they live in
...you know that "back home" doesn't mean at the house you live in now
...you tear up when you hear Proud to Be An American, even though you've heard it 50 times by now [definitely! say also American Soldier]
...you know that a 2 month separation is short, no matter what your civilian friends say
...you know better than to go to the PX or commissary between 11:30 and 130 unless it's a life or death emergency
...you find yourself explaining your husband's LES to him [Leave & Earnings Statement i.e paycheck statement. I never thought I'd understand it & now I explain it!]
...you don't have to think about what time 21:30 is
...you can't remember the last time you saw a doctor who wasn't wearing BDUs [love this one]
...you pick apart uniforms on TV and in the movies, even though you used to yell at your husband for doing the same thing [yes!]

Happy Birthday Jonathan!

Yesterday was my Beloved One's 26th Birthday!!!! I am truly such a blessed woman around to have his love each and every day! Our hearts reciprocating the love that was birthed that June 2001 between us and it's been my greatest earthly treasure.

Here's what my Jonathan looked like when we first met....

And then here's him on our wedding day of course... so handsome!

And here's him now... More wonderful than 10 years ago. I am so blessed to be this man's wife!

No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. -CS Lewis

This entry has been formulating in my head for about six months. I tried to write it a few times, and just couldn’t. Finally, I had all my thoughts completely written. I decided to post after our cruise. Then my hard drive died committed suicide Monday and certain things were not backed up. So I’m starting from scratch.
I am going to reveal something that takes a lot of courage and humbling on my part. I am divulging it to the online community of those who read my entries (which I know is far greater than the regular ones who post comments) rather than to a private, filtered group. I have chosen this because at this point, I actually believe my speaking out will do more good than my silence any longer. By baring myself, I may be helping others. Before I speak, I would like to make a few statements. I would like to ask that in what I say, you give me (and my husband, consequently) the benefit of the doubt as Christians. Most of you probably have no personal experience in this area and limited exposure. Understand that I, As the Writer, share all this already feeling inadequate, alone, alienated, left out (intentionally and unintentionally), pitied (when I desire sympathy, not pity), lost, overlooked, and very broken. You, As the Reader, may feel criticized, misunderstood, a desire to comfort (but lost as to how), optimism for me, impatience toward me, awkwardness leading to avoiding talking to me about this… I probably have left things out that you the audience feel simply because I am not you and I cannot fully understand what you feel. With these thoughts in mind, let us please bear graciously with each other. Know too that I will merely graze the surface of what has transpired and continues to transpire; don’t assume this is exhaustive. With this preface that has piqued your curiosity I now proceed…
Think back twenty months ago to fall 2005, what were you doing then? What life changes have occurred since then: job change, move, engagement, marriage, death of a dearly loved one? That fall, Jonathan and I proceeded to a very normal step in new marriage… we sought through our love to bring a new life into this world. With joyful anticipation we kept the plan from our families, dearly wishing to surprise them with an announcement… at Thanksgiving… at Christmas… certainly before our move to Texas in January! By spring, with seven of my close friends having achieved pregnancy in their first/second months, I knew something wasn’t right. I begged and pleaded with military doctors to give me a referral to a specialist for testing. I was frustratedly turned away with a pat on the hand (“there, there”), an offer of a hankie, and the typical indolent advice that I was young, should relax, and I hadn’t been trying that long (yes, this still smarts). After attempting 3 different doctors, in May my referral went through, and by August I went to my first appointment (yes, the wait is that long). After many less than fun tests and blood work on both Jonathan and me, we were labeled “unexplained infertility.” Understand, this just means “the absence of a definable cause for a couple's failure to achieve pregnancy after 12 months of attempting conception despite a thorough evaluation.” It does not mean either of us is infertile (def: unable to produce children). Period. It also doesn’t mean there isn’t a cause, it just means the medical field isn’t advanced enough to figure it out.
There are very few MTF’s (military treatment facilities) that specialize in RE (Reproductive Endocrinology) to provide evaluation and services. Without the MTF’s, the cost is entirely out-of-pocket and terribly expensive. 1 of the ~6 in the US happened to be in San Antonio. We tried different protocols there, and plan more trips in the future. My revelation now allows more openness (which I desire) for future things that seem of import in my life: the subcutaneous shots I’ll self-administer, that trip to the ER last October and why I’m concerned about it reoccurring, the last-minute flights out to San Antonio, how good my husband has gotten at intramuscular shots (*grins*), etc. I won’t post about this often, as there are times without much to say. But now I am no longer hiding…