Where To Start?

Life, life, life... So busy it flies by month by month and I wonder how my days have turned into months. How have full seasons passed with my feeling entirely wrapped up in a daily busyness? It’s a good busyness, though. Throughout the summer and especially our time in New Mexico, I would rise and greet the day with burgeoning plans OUTDOORS. Oh the glories of the weather and the many things to do! I find myself sorry that it’s winter here in a new town (Las Vegas) and a new home, with nary a friend to call to meet for coffee or to let our children play. If the summer/fall was my daily wonder and the glorious enjoyment of all things delightful, then winter is my time of plodding. Ever since arriving in our home, 11 days ago, I am plodding. Plodding through boxes, through books to store with no bookshelves anymore, plodding through meals and laundry to keep up with amidst LIFE. Plodding through morning (all day!) sickness. Plodding through serious sleep issues with my girlie. Plodding through finding a church, feeling isolated, missing old friends, missing out having Elyana be outdoors 50% of the day, missing out on the familiar.  And sunshine. In Vegas, by 4:30 it’s dark outdoors. We’re right on the edge of the Pacific/Mountain time-zone, and we lose that extra hour of sunlight. Plus, it’s just overcast.

Now, I’m not complaining. I’m so grateful for a beautiful home, a loving husband, a precious daughter, and so many things in my past that have filled my life with joy. I know those await here. In time. This is my season of waiting, plodding, getting things done. It doesn’t help that I can’t find my REAL Bible yet. With our limited room, I packed a small Bible of mine to New Mexico, and I miss my sturdy regular one. I don’t know where it is yet.

The biggest surprise (and challenge, honestly) was finding out, our first morning here (Wednesday, November 17) that I was Pregnant!!!! Pregnant, unbeknownst to me! Pregnant naturally! I was dumbfounded. For days I’d pass by the positive pregnancy test thinking, “Is this real?” Elyana took 33 months, 3 failed IUIs, 2 IVFs. This, without even knowing the date of my last cycle?!? This, when I was 7 weeks along at that? I had stopped praying to get pregnant (after Elyana was born). I acknowledged it could happen, when asked, but I never considered it for real. We had peace thinking we would build our family with IVF, if the Lord allowed more successes. We had called WH and signed up for April 2011 to try IVF again. And here I was, pregnant.

I am really at a place of being in awe of God’s workings. And of not understanding. I just know He deserves much praise for what He has done! His miraculous healing to my infertility – now to the very inability to conceive on my own – what a work! I stand amazed at My Healer. I stand so humbled, when He has already given me the ONE child I asked for, that He has graciously entrusted another into our care. What can I do but bow in reverence and thanksgiving?!

I have battled some very serious exhaustion and morning (all day) sickness, hence why it’s been such a challenge on top of being required to do so much more than I normally would have to (moving in!). But there is grace. And Jonathan has been more than patient with my inability to move some evenings, or smell food (let alone cook it). Praise God for him!

So, I am alive, I am here, and I am checking in because I miss you all!!!

Life in New Mexico On Base

Life here is so busy, so full, and really overall wonderful!

Our move was challenging, but really good! We'll know on the other side whether our stuff suffered too much, of course, but Part 1 went excellently. 3 (women) packers came at 11am on Thursday (I think they said they'd come at 9). We always get a man for the garage, so I was unhappy about that. Now, the thing is, you're committed to being around as long as they are. So with so few people, and such a late start, I knew it would be a long day. Just not so long as it turned out, which was after 11pm. As it turned out, Elyana got to sleep in her own crib, since the packers didn't disassemble it. The movers called Friday to tell us they weren't going to come until 2pm. As it turned out, it wasn't until after 7pm! There were 5 guys, working hard, but the house couldn't stay cool, so I couldn't put Elyana to bed until they were done (after 11pm). She and I went and visited three neighborhood friends, and she got just silly and wild with being overtired. It was so funny! She did finally sleep in her peapod. Over the next 4 days, we worked on getting the house cleaned, fixed up, and completely ready to rent. As it was, we got a renter that wanted to move in two days after we moved out! Utterly amazing and more than we could have asked for, or deserved. We took photos of the house Wednesday morning after getting it completely vacated, and after 3 1/2 years, it really looked brand new still!

Our Road Trip Out West consisted of 5 days of driving.

Day 1 - GA to New Orleans, LA - 8 1/2 hours without stops. Utterly perfect. Elyana slept like a champ, played wonderfully as well. We split the driving a little, gained an hour as well. Arrived before dinner into a fabulous hotel! Went out for amazing seafood at Red Fish Grill (Rum Flamed Shrimp!), then walked around NOLA, down to a park on the water. Jonathan bought me a beautiful carnival mask and Elyana a teddy bear she's in love with.

Day 2 - Elyana woke up at 4:30am ready to go! She wanted to see the ceramic blue cows in the lobby. So she and I went down to play and get a Starbucks breakfast together until Jonathan woke. I got my coffee, she got milk and an apple bran muffin. She played so well! By the time he got up, and we got packed, we were on the road headed to Surrey Cafe for Bananas Foster French Toast and Nova Lox. Alas, we got there at 7:15 (as Elyana was ready to doze off), and they didn't open til 8. Jonathan wanted to get on the road, I knew E wouldn't last, so we headed instead to Cafe du Monde for beignets and cafe au lait. Really were good and a great start to the day. Elyana did perfect again, so happy.We arrived in San Antonio around 6 at our dear friend's the Ortiz's house. Had dinner, the kids played so well, and everyone got a great night's sleep.

Day 3 - Just fun! We played at the park, went swimming, played tons of games inside, and the children enjoyed one another so much (Elyana (19mos) and Eliza(4) especially got along). That night we also got to go to Alamo Cafe with our old LifeGroup leader/family where were treated and, again, had such a great time! The whole day could NOT have been more perfect. All the fellowship was so sweet!

Day 4 - Started the day with my friend R's homemade Huckleberry Scones - with fresh picked huckleberries all the way from Spokane! Left San Antonio around lunchtime, with a visit to Rudy's on the way out. Drove 5 hours to Pecos,TX. Elyana, again, just a dream-baby. Arrived, unpacked, and went swimming to cool off! We all had so much fun, and it was a great way to relax after the drive. Had some local Mexican, played in the room, and then bed.

Day 5 - Only 5 hours left to Holloman AFB, NM. Turned out to be good, because about 1-2 hours from the base, Elyana was done in the car. I'd not done a good job planning the morning, and we'd left right after breakfast. So all total, she did not get much "run-around" time. I'd usually give her 3 hours awake before heading out to drive, as well as plenty of exercise. I hadn't, so she would not sleep in the car, thus the boredom 3-4 hours into the drive. Still, she was good, the drive was good, and Jonathan and I were pages away from finishing the book we'd been reading aloud the last few days, David Livingstone: Man of Prayer and Action (riveting). We arrived, another hour gained, got set up, unpacked, and went to the store for food.

The TLF is just one bedroom/one bathroom, but it's enough room for us, since we rearranged some things.

Our days here have been so happy and full. I'll update in a few days with what they look like.

Elyana as well is just blossoming in every area. She has mastered over 100 words, with new ones daily! Her pronunciation is very good. She is very compliant and obedient (parents often remark how much of a good listener she is). She has clear ideas of what she likes to do and eat, read or sleep with. She will respond when we ask her to give a cheerful face and happy heart. So much that she does just steals our heart. She is more precious every day, and really amazes us with her intelligence. We are a very happy little family right now!

Life!

Karen kindly asked how things were.... I can't believe I haven't done an update in so long! We have been so busy here!

Life without Jonathan does move on. I miss him so much every day. In some ways, you just push through deployments every day, and occsionally allow yourself to peek, as a turtle out of its shell, at the time that's passed around you. It can be both encouraging and tough. Like now, I know we're over halfway... And yet it's not yet May 1st and we have the whole month of May to get through. So it feels like significant progress, and yet I know we've got a big chunk of time left to overcome. I look at Elyana and how much she's changed already, and wonder in another month how much she'll have grown and gone through to be like when her daddy comes home. She's so wonderful.

However, we have some really amazing friends in Warner Robins. I have been a part of a military wives' Bible study for a year and a half now. We go through either Christian authored books, or straight up books of the Bible with commentaries. We meet for 2 hours, switching homes each week, each taking turns to facilitate as well. We grew to about 15 ladies, and so this last book decided to switch from an evening Bible study to a morning and evening one. So we're a smaller group now. But finally this deployment especially these friendships have really solidified. I see these girls about 3 times a week!!! We love to do things together! Our acitvities have included: a game & wine & dessert night (with lots of laughing!!!), a make-a-meal for those in need, strawberry picking, Easter-egg hunt, May-day basket making, whole-family dinner/picnics, baby showers, and things like that. These women are really fun to be around, and they are all eager to live out Christ's commands as friends, wives, and mothers! I really I just am so grateful for their friendship. Since they're military, and have small children, we all have so much to share in commonality. For example, evenings can be lonely and hard for those of us with deployed spouses, so we'll do a dinner together at times. Usually getting together with your girlfriends for dinner is a once-every-few-months occasion. We practically do it bi-weekly! Anyway, they are amazing and have make this deployment 100% better than any before.

Jonathan and I celebrated 5 years of marriage this past Friday. 5 amazing years!!! I look back and cannot believe I've got to spend the last 5 years with such a wonderful man! I am so blessed with his love in my life. I am just so happy to be his wife! I hate being separated from him, and never want that to change. Each day we just pray to be done with the separations forever, and get to enjoy waking up every day next to each other. But until then, we'll just pray and grow as much as we can through this. And oh the reunion!!! I get giddy thinking about June! My sweet Jonathan sent me some gorgeous flowers for our anniversary, complete with a note about the meaning of the flowers, and how it applied to our love. *sighs happily* He is my love, forever!

Elyana is changing so much. For four days straight now, I have gotten her to laugh - for at least a minute - at me! Previously, she's laughed, but it would be days between them. Now it's pretty consistent. Her face lights up when she sees me come in the room to get her out of her crib (if she's not been crying/waiting long). I love that!!! The look of recognition and happiness upon seeing mommy - and I'm mommy!!! How very long I've waited for that beautiful face! She really enjoys when I lay down next to her, hold a book over our heads, and read to her. We've once again exhausted our books (I go through them every day and I'm tired of the same ones, I can recite them by heart!), so I ordered about 5 more (used) on Amazon.com today. This Saturday is a used book sale, and I'm eager to see what I can find. Our current favorites are The First Forest and On the Night You Were Born. She will now grab toys and fiddle with them. She finds her hands oh-so-yummy and sucks on them a lot. She constantly clasps her chubby little hands together and twists them around and around, which I love to watch! She also opens her little mouth expectantly like a bird when she sees it's nursing time! She's still happily on the 3-hour schedule (Wake, Eat, Play for 1.5 hr, Sleep 1.5 hr). She goes about 4-5 hours at night between feedings. I've put her in my bed 3 times to sleep since J left, and it has been so much fun! With Jonathan gone it's very lonely, and having her next to me has been so special. Of course, it's an indulgence for us, not a regular thing!

I'm surprised how much difference there is in a newborn/1-2 month old baby, and a 3+ month old like I have now (14 weeks yesterday). While I disagree completely with the rationale behind the Happiest Baby on the Block book (i.e. babies have a need for a 4th trimester, but evolution grew babies heads too big, so they come out 3 months too soon); I totally adopt the 5 S's. They worked for Elyana so well. She actually still is sawddled, has her white noise, and takes a pacifier for nap time. I've tried unswaddling, but her hands are still uncoordinated enough she will hit her face or knock the paci out. The paci she only likes to get to sleep, but she'll spit it out usually 30 minutes into her nap and sleep the remainder of the time. The white noise? Her room is right next to the kitchen, so it drowns out noise when I'm in there, but she will sleep at someone else's houses without it. I will be trying to wean her off of some of these things in the next month or two, but right now I still feel she has a legitimate need for them. :)

And that is a huge summary of what we have been up to lately. My brother Carter drove down from NC for his Easter break to be with us (he was the first uncle to meet Elyana)! My sister Mary flew into Altanta to spend a week with us (we went to Starbucks every day, and she graciously worked out with me every night so I didn't have to take any time off!). I had amazing times with them!!! I have a little over a week here, and then I head back to NC until Jonathan returns - I am so excited! This time will be my first drive with my little "buddy" in the car.
Ok, picture time!!!

She fits into some of the prettiest dresses now!


Elyana and me at Easter time!


Uncle Carter and Elyana


Aunt Mary and Elyana (Elyana adored her!)

News

I know I've been terrible at this blogging thing. I've been told more than once. I really appreciate all you kind friends who come here to read how life is. I enjoy all your blogs so much, and so I should put more time into keeping mine up to date. Honestly, in the last 5 months with our lives going in such a drastically different direction than we ever could have foreseen, it's been hard to keep this up. Life is not all gloriously simple and easy and happy. Even though Jonathan and I have one of the most fabulous marriages ever, and we have such wonderful family members and friends and church, and both of our jobs have been such undeserved gifts to us, there has definitely been a cloud of confusion overshadowing our lives. Maybe it doesn't even daily come into our conversation, but it has been present in the background. When we don't even have understanding about a lot, it's hard to want to share on a blog like this. Things can be misunderstood too easily. I can communicate very badly at times, not giving the full picture, since my writing can be emotionally triggered. Anyway, I haven't felt like coming to this blog and spilling my heart, so I've stayed away. Because it also feels disingenuous to just post about all the lovely happy things going on, while tiptoeing around or ignoring the other stuff. I don't know that I'll get better at posting in the future yet, but I'll try to make efforts. And I just ask my dear friends and readers to bear with me.

So.... lots of news. The most exciting actually came on January 18th! My brother Stuart proposed in such a romantic way to his sweetheart of two years and asked her to marry him!!! Haley of course said YES!!! The wedding is set for July 19th and we could not be happier to finally have a sister-in-law coming into our family. Stuart is head-over-heels and they are extremely cute and loving together. Just thinking of gaining another girl in the family makes me giddy. It's exciting to have a great relationship with her, and with both of them as a couple, knowing down the road it will blossom as they enter marriage and we have even more to share in common. We are thrilled!!! This will the the first Graydon boy married, and the first marriage in 4 years (I was the last one in '04; Karen in '03, 9 months apart, poor Dad)! Here is the happy couple.

Right now, I have been visiting my wonderful friend Susi right outside of Seattle! I used some airline points and flew free over here a week and a half ago. Her husband is deployed right now, has been gone since last April, folks! And her with a 15 month old daughter. This is strength! Even with the love of our lives gone, we were such good friends years ago, and have really reconnected in an amazingly deep way for me. I rarely have friends in my life who I feel so much in common with in life-style, ideas about Christianity, teaching on submission/relationship to our husbands, love/closeness to family members, and appreciation for the finer things in life (i.e. music, chocolate, coffee, cheese, etc). (Understand, though, not necessarily more expensive, though, we are deal-shoppers!). Susi and her sweet-natured, obedient daughter Violet have been taking me to all sorts of delights the area offers. I do not have my cable to download pictures, so all those lovely details will have to wait! But for a teaser, visit Susi's entry complete with some pictures!

I had some trouble with the HSG done in Georgia (that hospital is a joke), so I had it re-done while I was out here (this base here actually is one of the 5-6 IVF programs in the US, incidentally, so they are fully equipt to perform it correctly). Went fine, and I applaud myself for continually learning the military system and how to get what you need when you can. It took a few hours to even get it ordered, but it worked. My IVF #2 is set for beginning April 16th. I will be gone until the beginning of May, and may or may not post while I'm there. All depends on how I'm feeling. I will again stay with my best friend there, which I am looking forward to. We've still got some things to be straightened out with leave, a couple more perscriptions I have to pick up in GA, etc. So here's to hoping it works out as smoothly as it can.

And for final big news, my youngest sister Mary turns 21 next Saturday! I can't believe that my "little" sister is already such an adult. I am SOSOSOSO grateful I'll get to be in NC for that and for my brother Carter's 19th bday a few days later! I'm planning a nice little "drinks and dessert" party for Mary with just the family, and hope I can make it sweet/special for her. It's hard planning something when it's not your home, but I'm sure I can make it work. :)

Jonathan has completed over half of his deployment. There's a new post up at his site. We miss each other more than words could say. But we are making it, slowly but surely. That reunion is going to be something else, lemme tell you!

Open Letter

(*Note, I did not create this piece of writing. I do not think I have the courage to write such thoughts down. But the sentiments are mine, and would be those of any woman sturggling with years of infertility and a recent miscarriage.*)

To the many expectant and soon-to-be expectant mothers in my life (with love):

I know this is a very special time for you – a time filled with excitement, anticipation and unbounding love for your baby soon to enter the world. This time is for you – a chance to celebrate, to contemplate, to prepare. This is your moment to delight in the joy of expectancy, to embrace the promise of parenthood, to exude radiance. To rejoice in feeling life grow inside with every fluttering heartbeat, every kick. Soon you will enter the sacred sisterhood of women who become mothers, forever transforming their lives. Soon your arms will hold new life, as you bask in the warm glow of your child’s beaming eyes. Soon your heart will fill when you hear his/her laughter, the tight grasp around your finger. You will marvel at the wondrous little being you created out of love, in an act more natural than any in the world.

And yet. As you enter perhaps the most magnificent time in your life, we are finding our way through crisis, trying to navigate a life-altering journey with persistence and grace. We don’t know where it will lead us, how it will end. Our future is uncertain. I don’t expect many people to understand what we are going through. But I would hope that you would try to appreciate that it is real. It is crushing. It underlies and permeates every aspect of our lives, everything we do. As impossible as it is to imagine, as hard as it is to see, and as challenging as it is to live, it is our life and our story. And it is staggering. Such a primal urge, a natural instinct, a deep desire – unmet, unfilled, unlived…

The truth is, unless you’ve experienced the deep sorrow of repeated failures or a devastating loss in your quest for a child, I don’t think you can know what I feel. Unless your dreams for a family have been shattered time after time, no matter how hard you pray or will them to come true, you can’t know the tremendous sorrow that lives deep in my heart. Unless you’ve been defeated by the consistent betrayal of your own body, unless you’ve felt broken to the core, you can’t know the ache of my empty womb as time moves on…

But as my friend and loved one, I would hope that you can open your heart and mind to try to appreciate where I’m coming from, where I am. That you can understand I may need time and space to heal, to deal. That you will not take it personally or take offense. That with love and compassion you might try to understand this is not about you. (I know, I said before it’s all about you, but this part is about me.) I sincerely hope you can accept that my actions and emotions reflect my own affliction, and not my feelings about you or your child.

I will wholly embrace your baby into this world with blessings and an open heart. But just as my joy for you is not diminished by my own suffering, my pain is not diminished by sharing your joy. My heart still aches, my arms long to be filled, and my womb lies empty, still…

Perhaps we’re both incapable of seeing beyond our own experience at this moment in time. Understandable. But as I find joy in my heart for you in my time of crisis, please have compassion in your heart for me in your time of joy.

IVF Update #1

So, after a wonderful weekend with the Freas family in GA, I got back to San Antonio Monday night!

I'd flown from GA to TX on Wed for a Thurs appt, and planned on flying back Thurs afternoon after the appt, & returning Mon night to TX for the Tuesday morn next appt. Then I'd stay here 2 weeks or whatever it takes for stims, ER, ET, and any further follow-up. 2 trips aren't as cost-effective, but I'm already going to be apart from my husband a long time as it is, and we'd planned on having the Freas for Labor Day Weekend! We agreed this schedule was worth the cost/hassle. And if something forced me to stay in TX longer, I'd stay because of course IVF comes first. That was our mindset.

So Thurs (Appt #1, Baseline Date!) I got to WH at 5:30, but found the lab no longer keeps the tickets outside! So I have to try to get my ultrasound number and then hope I don't get a bad nubmer at the lab (it's a huge hassle & lots of people lining up). :( Bleh. I didn't know which doc I'd get for ultrasound, but I got my fav, very wonderful for this particular day!!! Mostly because I had a cyst, big enough to be on the border of needing draining (from the supression meds I'd been on prior to IVF). The dr was so nice. He was doing the ultrasound, and started on the right, looked around a few seconds, and then mumbled a concerned, "Oh Sweetheart, what's this?" He told me the cyst was small enough I might be able to proceed, but when my blood levels came back that would tell whether or not I needed it drained. He said he would call. He usually gives the feeling that I can take all the time I need to ask questions, but he seemed hurried today. I understood, IVF there is busy.

Typically I'd have told him I was trying to fly out back to GA later that day, but I wasn't sure they exactly liked me not being driving-distance from the clinic - even though they didn't want to see me again until Tues morning. So I told him if it needed draining no problem. I had to stick around until 10 for the injections/meds class anyway, and figured he would call anytime. Apparently he had a meeting and wasn't even around to ask personally then (and my blood had been ready since 7 that morning!). I assumed his latency in calling must have meant things were ok. So I proceeded to get a ride to the airport to catch my 1:10 flight (my friend's dad had set aside his whole morning to take me when I was ready). I arrived there and sat at my gate. I did want to make it home on the original plan, but was not wanting to leave the city w/o his call. Sure enough, 12:30ish, he calls and tells me the cyst needs draining. I told him I'd be there ASAP. A catch: he wanted me to take valium/percoset for the procedure, as it can be painful. This would prohibit me from driving myself back to the airport. I told him I preferred no meds so I could drive myself... & he ok'ed it (His words: "If you want to Civil War Style it, you can.") I grabbed the quickest rental car I could get (cheaper than a taxi, I checked) and headed back to WH. I had called J & we prayed. I felt such peace about everything that was happening. Not worried about getting to GA that night, not scared about the procedure, not upset. Just peace. Even the gate agent kindly switched my flight to a later one.

I got to WH and was seen immediately. They were all a little amused at my desire for no meds, but got right down to business. My doc told me, "You know this room, I met you here." It was the same for my hysteroscopy last Oct. How on earth does a doctor remember when & where they met you? (See why I love him? I'm not a number and a chart, I'm a person.) The whole thing was over in about 30 minutes and was actually not very painful. (I was later commended for my behavior as better than women on meds!) And a bonus from getting the cyst aspiration: that procedure is the exact same as the IVF Retrieval. That's the only part I was nervous about on this whole IVF (everything else I've experienced before). Now, I've experienced that too, so nothing to be nervous about.

I got back to GA late that night with a 3+ hour delay, but I was home! We had the entire weekend to spend w/the Freas family & every day we lived it out to the max with fun, fun, fun!!! (Pics later)

This morn, Appt #2 was fast. Even though I arrived at 5:30a I was #2... by the time all the ladies arrived for scans, there were about 20; it was ridiculous! I'm so glad I went early, that would have been such a hassle waiting around. Was in & out in like 3 minutes & got an ok doc. I think he was impressed I didn't seem anxious/worried or have tons of questions (that'll come later!).

So, Tuesday's scan, after 4 days of meds (150iu Follistim in am, 15cc HCG in pm) revealed:
Left: 12 less than 10mm, largest 7.8
Right: 10.2, 12.1 and 4 (not sure I heard right on that?) less than 10mm,
Lining: 6.7

My left has always outgrown my right, but whatever. After my labs came back, they called & told me tomorrow take my Follistim down to 125iu. Guess my E2 is a bit high. No prob since they give me a pre-mixed "pen" for injecting any amount, rather than mixing my doses & such. My stomach is a bit sore around the injection sites, because I've done 2 on my right and 8 on my left - beacuse the 1st HCG on the right bruised badly! The soreness makes it hard to pinch the skin for the injection. :/

I scheduled my 1st IVF Acupuncture. I'll have 5 appts, the first will be 5-9 days pre-retrieval. Statistically, even though it can't be explained, Acupuncture increases pregnancy rates w/ IVF.

Overall, though, I realized upon pondering Thursday's events, I'm not sure I've ever had just one thing after another go so smoothly and so much peace surround my spirit when it's not the perfect way we hope. I don't think a lack of problems grows my faith as much as God's provision when problems arise. I know the Lord is answering prayer. I know I can be level-headed often, but last time this happened (in April, for a much less important procedure) I was so distraught! I felt kicked around and left bruised by it all, and mostly I felt alone. This was different. I KNOW it is because there are so many people praying for us and the Lord is showing me by exposing my needs He is meeting them in answered prayer for so many. That's a great thought.

I go in this Thurs & pray I can get some idea when Jonathan needs to be out here. I'd ask all you wonderful friends to PLEASE keep praying for the Lord's grace, providence, direction and peace every day. Pray for Jonathan & my hearts to walk through this with true faith in God's unchanging Character.

Off to Florida! :)

Well, we're off for a 4 day trip to sunny Florida! When we return home I'll post some pictures and a recap of highlights. This is a very welcome vacation for us two!!!

Just already feels over even though it's only halfway through; it has extraordinarily been busy (for us)! We are extremely excited about our wonderful friends, Doug & Kristin, and their 3 girls, driving down from Charlotte to visit us for Labor Day Weekend! I have eagerly been awaiting visits from friends!!! They have been faithful and fun friends even when we've lived 1000 miles away. I have stayed with them I think every time I've visited Charlotte. Their home is always open and welcoming to so many people. I don't have any pics of the whole family on my computer, but here's Kristin & the girls.... & Jonathan & I with the girls. I can't wait!


Our last night in Charlotte before we moved (after Kristin rounded up people to help me clean on move-out day!), we stayed at their house, that's what this pic is, our last morning there.

July Happenings

The lack of updates has been directly related to the amount of activity in the Wilson household. As usual, we've traveled around a lot. Sometimes I've had my camera, other times I have simply been satisfied to live the moment rather than capture it.

I continue to be deeply touched at how many of the people I've gotten to see face-to-face since our IVF decision have honestly desired to talk about it. I expected a lot more of the "elephant in the room" syndrome and frankly, some censure too. But I've really just had kind, curious, interested people. Thank You - all of you - for your genuine love so far! It still seems so far away (over a month until my 1st appt), and yet I'm glad for this time to reflect and continue to enjoy this honeymoon-like state I find myself in with Jonathan and his current Air Force schedule. I purchased my 1st ticket out for an initial appointment, and it cost $5 because I was able to use Delta miles. Over a year ago, Jonathan realized how much travel we were doing and wisely switched us to a credit card that rewards with miles. His foresight has allowed 4 free tickets so far!

I continue to try my hand at another step in domesticity as I'm sewing curtains for the living room. Crystal helped a lot reading the pattern and teaching things I was "expected" to know. It's been joyful to productively spend time each day on a project so gratifying!

The garden has been pouring in produce each day. Our biggest producers are yellow squash, okra, and tomatoes. The beets' growth are stunted, and the watermelons have but a week or two more to ripeness! The 2nd corn planting hasn't happened yet. Because of the heavy tomato volume, at Crystal's encouragement, we bought 2 lbs of buffalo mozzarella at Sam's and have nightly been serving "Salad Caprese". You simply slice the tomatoes and mozarella into rounds, layering it alternately on a plate. Then drizzle on extra virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, fresh basil shreds, fresh-ground pepper and sea salt. Truly delicious with all fresh ingredients!

Now, because I have little to add at the time, I shall conclude with a picture update of the last 2 weeks. I shall attempt more regular updates!!!

The Fourth Of July - Graydons, Wilsons, Robinsons, O'Malleys.
Girls Jumping in the pool, then Christopher & Sarah. She is SO cute.

Suzanne had a broken toe, so she couldn't walk much. Here's Cath & Suz talking, then Steph & Mary in the pool.


Katrina Joy! Crystal outside the aircraft that took us back to Georgia. Jonathan let her fly for about 30 minutes, & she liked it.


Seth & Carter... love the bald head.... Then Jonathan cooking up Injera (Ethiopian flat bread). What a good meal!


This is the runway at Robins... And Jonathan bringing us in for a landing. His landings honestly are better than I've ever experienced - very smooth!


Crystal & me at the Atlanta Acquarium... Jonathan & me at a South African restaurant we took Crystal to, called 10 Degrees South. Truly delicious.


Crystal playing with my kitty Peaches, then her and I at our Daily Starbucks trip! How many wonderful talks we had there!

Travels & Pics!

Back home now! What a trip! Marvelous, fun, enjoyable, and so worth it! I've got some pictures to capture some highlights!

I left Tuesday morning at 5:05 and had a terrific drive down. Listened to a MP3 disc Jonathan burned for me AND C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce (twice) - awesome! Met Daddy for lunch at Cracker Barrell outside of Charlotte, and arrived at Seth & Karen's around 4 after a stop at my parents'. After giving the girls' their birthday presents it started to storm. Katrina excitedly looks at me and says, "Oh goodie! We get to make cookies!" Apparently Karen always makes chocoalte chip cookies with Katrina when it storms - what a sweet tradition! So I made chocolate chocolate-chip with her. We had steaks Seth cooked, squash casserole, and broccoli. Shiona had a really scary apple-choking inicdent, and Crystal stayed for dinner. Unfortunately, she went to take my car home & it wouldn't stay started! :( Thank God it got me there safely. We got it towed Wednesday morn & fixed at the dealership that day, they said it wasn't a big problem. (It did act up on my drive back, 3 hrs from home - not sure it was fixed!)

Wednesday morning Suzanne, Crystal & I headed to the Howells to see Susi & Violet. Violet is a beautful baby, especially in purple. So adorable! It was SO GOOD to see Susi - I hadn't since her wedding in June '05! The Howell girls all visited with us and it was just like old times! They had us for lunch and we had this magnificent venison chili with homemade bread and salad from their garden. I've never had a meal I wouldn't want to recreate at the Howells (which I did this Saturday, actually!)! Yum! They served us hot tea, although it was sad I didn't think ahead of time to make scones or something to make it an official "tea party."

Susi took me to get the car & I headed back to my parents' house for the Mexican meal Aunt Tammy was fixing for the Graydons, Dienstfreis, Robinsons, and O'Malleys (brave women!): Chicken & Beef Fajitas, Enchiladas, Fiesta Rice, and I made Strawberry & Original Margaritas. Aunt Tammy had even bought Mexican cookies & soda. So good! Seeing Christen & Michelle was so much fun! We had a blast!!! I think the only differences in us now are we're more mature! :)

Thursday morning a bunch of us Graydons went into Danville together. I took the girls out to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch & we pigged out on wings, potato skins, and mozzarella sticks! So good - they'd never been. We then got Noah from lessons & went to STARBUCKS! Yes, my 1st time in the Danville one. Not too shabby! Mary then left for work & we went to buy stuff from her. :) Well, I did. Then I visited with the O'Malleys the rest of the afternoon.

That night I took Christen, Michelle & Stephanie (their younger sister) to Danville to meet up with Karen & her girls. We bought more stuff from Mary at Lancome, met the family for dinner, Karen treated us to Starbucks, and we girls saw a late showing of Oceans 13 (lame). We bought tons of popcorn and candy and were throwing it at each other in the theatre. If these 3 boys hadn't been present, we'd have had the theatre to ourselves!!! I think we stayed up til 2 trying to delay our goodbyes. :(

Then, I haded home the next morning. I stopped in Charlotte to visit Jeanie & Alathea, who is just such a fun little cutie! I brought us all Starbucks (even though Alathea likes chai lattes, Jeanie keeps her orders limited to chocoate milk! *grin*) Rebecca stopped by for a while to chat, and I left after a 3 hour visit & some yummy lunch! I had so much fun and was SO GLAD I stopped by to see them! Jeanie makes such a natural mom, she just really enjoys Alathea. I turned my camera's display out so Alathea could see herself & she LOVED making faces and sticking her tongue out....

Fun Travels Coming Up!

Meet my wonderful husband's gift to me!

And this was SUCH a fun night this past Monday. It was our fourth hog hunt & we'd never even seen ones the other times. We hadn't sighted in the rifle since our first time out, but assumed it was ok. This time we saw 4 around 5:00pm and 5 around 9:00pm! And I missed both times! When I haded the rifle off to Jonathan (thinking it was me), he missed too! Yeah, the scope was off! I know because at 50 and 100 yds at the range I always hit the bulls eye, as does Jonathan. Plus, the next day I shot a rabbit at about 40 yds with a single shot to the head with a bb-rifle! Not propped up, just free-hand (or whatever you call it). A little frustrating, but I definitely want to go out again! We had a lot of fun, even though it was really hot and lots of bugs!

Now I'm headed back to NC Tuesday to Friday to see my dear friends the O'Malley girls visiting from Chicago (friends for 18 years!). When we moved to Chicago & I was in 2nd grade & the school year had started a few weeks before, Michelle was assigned to show me around and be my "friend". A friendship that lasted! Her sister Christen happened to be in Karen & Stuart's kindergarten class and she & Karen became friends! So fun!

And Susi Forshey is in town, a girl I really love too! She did the flowers so incredibly at my wedding and I did the cake at hers! She is wise, patient, gentle, godly and an Army wife to boot! She got married & moved from everything she knew in VA all the way across the country to Washington state!! Her husband is currently in Iraq serving 15 months. They have a baby daughter only 6 months old! She serves the military ladies around her and has started leading a weekly prayer group for ladies that don't even know the Lord - just to minister to them! My sisters & I loved the 4 girls in their family! We had numerous tea parties, stringed music sessions, sleepovers, berry picking, showers for one another, wedding gigs! Such sweet times... I can't wait to see her!

My Friend Jeanie

I'd like to single out a friend of mine for her selfless and incredibly sensitive heart. A friend who deserves so much more than a blog entry.

My friend Jeanie sent out an email to me on Mother's Day, early Sunday morning. For those of you who missed the fact, Jonathan and I have been fervently trying to conceive for 22 months. Jeanie's email was titled simply "Praying for you." It wasn't pages long, but in her paragraphs she communicated compassion for me. She conveyed her understanding that perhaps I may be sad on mother's day through her own trials the day has brought. And she reminded me God is "near to the brokenhearted." She told me I'm an example and she loves me, and she prays for me.

Simple words, when one considers them. And yet they so filled my heart with joy and appreciation for this precious girl's friendship. For who she is.

Why I openly weep upon reading the email was something different though. This gentle, caring girl is spending her very first mother's day without her dear, faithful, Godly mother. The Lord took her mother away from her 9 months ago yesterday, after a long battle with cancer where her example was clearly one of Hebrews 11 in action... dieing in faith, having not received healing, but with absoute trust in God's Holy and Good character.

On what must be one of the three hardest days in the year for Jeanie, she looked at the Body of Christ and thought of anyone but herself. She looked at other's pain or heartache, rather than even consider her own (which is far greater than mine, I KNOW). How selfish I am not to be more like her! How her example inspires me to be other-focused, to think of serving others and not myself! To not nurse the own pains of my heart.

I know why Jeanie did this, how she has that maturity - she has learned at her mother's feet, in her life and by her death Kathy Bowers exemplified caring for others, living as Christ did. On the cross Christ prayed for those killing him, that they'd be forgiven. Isn't that the height of not thinking of yourself? I only pray that I can learn from these women and my life would be ever more made like Christ's.

Last Mother's Day, Jeanie made this tribute on Mother's Day. I'd encourage you to read it if you haven't, because this kind of life changes hundreds of those is touched, by inspiring deeper faith, perserverance, love and Christ-like character: http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/2006/05/a_tribute_to_ka_1.html

Trip Pics!

Well, we got home late last night! It was 1:30 by the time we were in bed, that drive home was looooooong. Especially since we stopped at a Starbucks in Talahassee at 10:00 and it was bolted up tight! We survived by taking turns getting a few winks and then switching drivers. Next time we'll plan a bit better maybe. :) It's nice to know the beach is so close, Jonathan said we'll definitely be visiting more this summer. Yeah!

We had such a great time and really enjoyed ourselves! David & Rebecca are the best people to vacation with - it was so sad leaving them. I really praise the Lord for their realtionship with us. Their little girl was sooooo cute! We played with her a lot on the beach, in the cabin, wherever. She loved the water, waves, sand. When waves would hit her in the face (& get salt water in her mouth) she would laugh and clap for it to do it again! Is she a sport or what?!?!

I got a total of TWO pictures of Jonathan & me together. Pathetic. I'm not happy about that. I guess I was too busy, we really did spend a bunch of time on the beach and who wants to get their cam sandy? I took tons of pics of Elizabeth, though. :)

And here's a lovely picture of Glenn & Anna. They are such a perfect couple! I didn't know what to expect, but Glenn is a barrell of fun! He's such a great compliment to Anna. It was thrilling to see her healthy, vibrant, and energetic! What a blessing her healing from cancer is to her, and everyone around her. She has such a strong spirit and grounding in Christ. We will definitely be seeing them again!

Vacation!

Guess where we're headed for the weekend??? Sunny, beautiful, warm, tropical Florida!!! White sandy beaches, clear blue water! I cannot wait for tomorrow morning!!!!

We get to spend our time with David & Rebecca & little Elizabeth! If I could pick anyone to hang out with right now, it would be Rebecca. She's so understanding and sympathetic, yet so genuine and will confront in love. She's wise and funny, generous and sensitive. I'm blessed to have her as a friend. Not to mention, her tastes suit mine to a T (except in coffee, but that's ok!)!

Tonight, my dear friend for 8 years - Anna - (and her husband Glenn) will be visiting us for a quick stay! We've never met each other's husbands so this will be great! She was diagnosed with cancer twice by the time she was 21 and the Lord has healed her both times. She walked through it with faith and hope, trusting what the Lord would do. People from all over were always offering advise about what she was doing wrong, or new "cures" (medical & spiritual), yet she held a gracious spirit. She produced an evangelical tract "Answer for Cancer" that's been distributed by the 1000's and translated into Spanish and Romanian. She turned her cancer into a witnessing opportunity! I'm so glad to have her, even for a few hours! (BTW, the pic's when we were 18 & yes we bought matching dresses!)

Back Home

Safely Home! Claudia - THANK YOU for commenting!!!!! I want to hear all about your trip!

The "funny" part of arriving at the airport Saturday morning was we saw long lines coming out of terminal 2 and it was due to terminal 1 being closed due to a bomb threat/scare! I'm tellin' ya people, don't we pick the days to travel? I made my flights, but Jonathan's was delayed so he missed his connection in Houston, so he arrived 1 1/2 hours later than me in Atlanta. Not a problem for either of us, when you're headed home time isn't of the essense. We don't usually travel separate, but I was on a FF ticket, and we booked the cheapest we could for him.

After the rough start, the rest of my week in San Antonio went smashingly. The more I see my doctor there, the more I thank God he's so diligent, caring, and helpful. Everything really went as perfectly as it could. The outcome is in God's hands, but at least I'm leaving with absolutely no regrets or second thoughts about how everything went.

Our friends we stayed with were awesome! I got to babysit their 14 month old for their anniversary dinner, we all went out for dinner on the Riverwalk another night, and each day Rebecca and I got tons of time for spiritual, personal, and fun conversations. We even took a trip to Starbucks with the little gal!

Now I thought I'd post some sweet pics over the past few week's events. How I love visiting family and friends.

Here's the cutie I got to play with every day!


This was Catherine and me at a pecan grove when the Wilsons visited

The cutest and smartest 2 year old ever! & I'm not too biased!

The Graduates!!!! (in May)

And this little girl will be 1 in less than a month! She's sooo pretty!

Mary's diligently showing her moves!

Quick Update

Sorry no updates lately. Since we moved out of our home in TX on Dec 15th we're flown to NC, spent a few hurried weeks there, flew back to TX, closed things out there, drove to GA, found a house (looked at 20 something), drove to Charlotte, stayed a few days, drove up near Asheville in the mountains to visit Jonathan's grandparents, drove back to our families' homes, and I'm about to stay here for 2 1/2 weeks while Jonathan's in Washington state for survival school. Now that it's 2 days away I'm having some feelings of real anxiety and sadness. I hate being apart even for a night. The longest we've been away since his 29 day field training (our 3rd month of marriage back in July '04) was 7 days this past November when I was in Oxford. I'm going to miss him so badly! But just so I won't cry here, I won't say any more. Except that the next few weeks will be the times to get together with you NC girls!
Pictures of the house later. Stories and such. I haven't been on the computer much at all lately, sorry for no comments anywhere. I have been trying to read all the updates.
Give me a call or email for anyone wo wants to set up a definite date from Jan 17-28.

Pic Post

I try to keep a good mix between posts about what's happening, and picture posts. Lately, all I've really posted is pictures. I'm afraid today will be more of the same. We've had the most wonderful time here in NC with our families and dear friends! So enjoy the pics and know when I actually have time to sit and write about what's happening, I'll get around to that. They're from Crystal's visit to SA, Jonathan's graduation from nav school, and my visit to Charlotte last week. Love you all!

Crystal & I after an Air Force Christmas Party


Jonathan, Crystal, & me at the party


The beautiful RiverWalk with Christmas lights


Crystal & I on the Riverwalk


Jonathan & I after I pin his wings on - Finally an AirForce Aviator!


Joker Flight at Pre-Graduation Dinner - Newest Future Navs of the USAF


Lyric, Zoe, and Emma Freas - my favorite little girls in Charlotte!
We had such fun playing playdough, house, stories, and more!


Me with the Freas girls, before leaving. :(