July Happenings

The lack of updates has been directly related to the amount of activity in the Wilson household. As usual, we've traveled around a lot. Sometimes I've had my camera, other times I have simply been satisfied to live the moment rather than capture it.

I continue to be deeply touched at how many of the people I've gotten to see face-to-face since our IVF decision have honestly desired to talk about it. I expected a lot more of the "elephant in the room" syndrome and frankly, some censure too. But I've really just had kind, curious, interested people. Thank You - all of you - for your genuine love so far! It still seems so far away (over a month until my 1st appt), and yet I'm glad for this time to reflect and continue to enjoy this honeymoon-like state I find myself in with Jonathan and his current Air Force schedule. I purchased my 1st ticket out for an initial appointment, and it cost $5 because I was able to use Delta miles. Over a year ago, Jonathan realized how much travel we were doing and wisely switched us to a credit card that rewards with miles. His foresight has allowed 4 free tickets so far!

I continue to try my hand at another step in domesticity as I'm sewing curtains for the living room. Crystal helped a lot reading the pattern and teaching things I was "expected" to know. It's been joyful to productively spend time each day on a project so gratifying!

The garden has been pouring in produce each day. Our biggest producers are yellow squash, okra, and tomatoes. The beets' growth are stunted, and the watermelons have but a week or two more to ripeness! The 2nd corn planting hasn't happened yet. Because of the heavy tomato volume, at Crystal's encouragement, we bought 2 lbs of buffalo mozzarella at Sam's and have nightly been serving "Salad Caprese". You simply slice the tomatoes and mozarella into rounds, layering it alternately on a plate. Then drizzle on extra virgin olive oil, balsamic vinegar, fresh basil shreds, fresh-ground pepper and sea salt. Truly delicious with all fresh ingredients!

Now, because I have little to add at the time, I shall conclude with a picture update of the last 2 weeks. I shall attempt more regular updates!!!

The Fourth Of July - Graydons, Wilsons, Robinsons, O'Malleys.
Girls Jumping in the pool, then Christopher & Sarah. She is SO cute.

Suzanne had a broken toe, so she couldn't walk much. Here's Cath & Suz talking, then Steph & Mary in the pool.


Katrina Joy! Crystal outside the aircraft that took us back to Georgia. Jonathan let her fly for about 30 minutes, & she liked it.


Seth & Carter... love the bald head.... Then Jonathan cooking up Injera (Ethiopian flat bread). What a good meal!


This is the runway at Robins... And Jonathan bringing us in for a landing. His landings honestly are better than I've ever experienced - very smooth!


Crystal & me at the Atlanta Acquarium... Jonathan & me at a South African restaurant we took Crystal to, called 10 Degrees South. Truly delicious.


Crystal playing with my kitty Peaches, then her and I at our Daily Starbucks trip! How many wonderful talks we had there!

Jonathan is Wonderful! :)

So, where do you think we were this weekend???? How about THE BEACH!

Friday evening, Jonathan & I took a walk in the woods (how nice to live near woods!) after dinner. We were figuring how to spend our evening. Jonathan, the king of great ideas, blurts out, "Let's run home and get out our laptops, and see if we can find a hotel room at a Georgia beach for less than $$." Excitedly, we searched... And found a hotel on the beach-front at Jekyll Island, just 3 hours east of where we live. So we packed the car, went to bed, and headed out at 7 the next morning for THE BEACH. We both LOVE the beach. Have so much fun reading, flying kites, swimming, fishing, laughing, talking, walking, and exploring the islands. We were ready for some sun - hadn't been to the beach since our Destin trip the 1st week May (2 whole months! Spoiled, I know!).

We had the bestest weekend together, and drove back Sunday so joyously relaxed. Best friends on the adventure of our life! We are so in love and happy with this season between us! Next trip we'll visit another island, they're all quite different down there. A 3 hour trip is very doable for a weekend for us, so I'm hoping we can do this again maybe in August or late September. Of course, September is our big San Antonio trip, so maybe it won't work. But we always have loads of fun there, so I won't care!

Now tomorrow Jonathan will FLY us in a 4 passenger aircraft from Warner Robins, GA to Danville, VA. Should be a 3 hour flight. I have never flown with him yet, so I'm nervous and excited! And we get Crystal to fly back with us on Thursday, Lord willing, for a week's of fun here with me! Pray for safety when you think of us! Until I'm back with some pictures..... :)

Travels & Pics!

Back home now! What a trip! Marvelous, fun, enjoyable, and so worth it! I've got some pictures to capture some highlights!

I left Tuesday morning at 5:05 and had a terrific drive down. Listened to a MP3 disc Jonathan burned for me AND C.S. Lewis's The Great Divorce (twice) - awesome! Met Daddy for lunch at Cracker Barrell outside of Charlotte, and arrived at Seth & Karen's around 4 after a stop at my parents'. After giving the girls' their birthday presents it started to storm. Katrina excitedly looks at me and says, "Oh goodie! We get to make cookies!" Apparently Karen always makes chocoalte chip cookies with Katrina when it storms - what a sweet tradition! So I made chocolate chocolate-chip with her. We had steaks Seth cooked, squash casserole, and broccoli. Shiona had a really scary apple-choking inicdent, and Crystal stayed for dinner. Unfortunately, she went to take my car home & it wouldn't stay started! :( Thank God it got me there safely. We got it towed Wednesday morn & fixed at the dealership that day, they said it wasn't a big problem. (It did act up on my drive back, 3 hrs from home - not sure it was fixed!)

Wednesday morning Suzanne, Crystal & I headed to the Howells to see Susi & Violet. Violet is a beautful baby, especially in purple. So adorable! It was SO GOOD to see Susi - I hadn't since her wedding in June '05! The Howell girls all visited with us and it was just like old times! They had us for lunch and we had this magnificent venison chili with homemade bread and salad from their garden. I've never had a meal I wouldn't want to recreate at the Howells (which I did this Saturday, actually!)! Yum! They served us hot tea, although it was sad I didn't think ahead of time to make scones or something to make it an official "tea party."

Susi took me to get the car & I headed back to my parents' house for the Mexican meal Aunt Tammy was fixing for the Graydons, Dienstfreis, Robinsons, and O'Malleys (brave women!): Chicken & Beef Fajitas, Enchiladas, Fiesta Rice, and I made Strawberry & Original Margaritas. Aunt Tammy had even bought Mexican cookies & soda. So good! Seeing Christen & Michelle was so much fun! We had a blast!!! I think the only differences in us now are we're more mature! :)

Thursday morning a bunch of us Graydons went into Danville together. I took the girls out to Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch & we pigged out on wings, potato skins, and mozzarella sticks! So good - they'd never been. We then got Noah from lessons & went to STARBUCKS! Yes, my 1st time in the Danville one. Not too shabby! Mary then left for work & we went to buy stuff from her. :) Well, I did. Then I visited with the O'Malleys the rest of the afternoon.

That night I took Christen, Michelle & Stephanie (their younger sister) to Danville to meet up with Karen & her girls. We bought more stuff from Mary at Lancome, met the family for dinner, Karen treated us to Starbucks, and we girls saw a late showing of Oceans 13 (lame). We bought tons of popcorn and candy and were throwing it at each other in the theatre. If these 3 boys hadn't been present, we'd have had the theatre to ourselves!!! I think we stayed up til 2 trying to delay our goodbyes. :(

Then, I haded home the next morning. I stopped in Charlotte to visit Jeanie & Alathea, who is just such a fun little cutie! I brought us all Starbucks (even though Alathea likes chai lattes, Jeanie keeps her orders limited to chocoate milk! *grin*) Rebecca stopped by for a while to chat, and I left after a 3 hour visit & some yummy lunch! I had so much fun and was SO GLAD I stopped by to see them! Jeanie makes such a natural mom, she just really enjoys Alathea. I turned my camera's display out so Alathea could see herself & she LOVED making faces and sticking her tongue out....

Fun Travels Coming Up!

Meet my wonderful husband's gift to me!

And this was SUCH a fun night this past Monday. It was our fourth hog hunt & we'd never even seen ones the other times. We hadn't sighted in the rifle since our first time out, but assumed it was ok. This time we saw 4 around 5:00pm and 5 around 9:00pm! And I missed both times! When I haded the rifle off to Jonathan (thinking it was me), he missed too! Yeah, the scope was off! I know because at 50 and 100 yds at the range I always hit the bulls eye, as does Jonathan. Plus, the next day I shot a rabbit at about 40 yds with a single shot to the head with a bb-rifle! Not propped up, just free-hand (or whatever you call it). A little frustrating, but I definitely want to go out again! We had a lot of fun, even though it was really hot and lots of bugs!

Now I'm headed back to NC Tuesday to Friday to see my dear friends the O'Malley girls visiting from Chicago (friends for 18 years!). When we moved to Chicago & I was in 2nd grade & the school year had started a few weeks before, Michelle was assigned to show me around and be my "friend". A friendship that lasted! Her sister Christen happened to be in Karen & Stuart's kindergarten class and she & Karen became friends! So fun!

And Susi Forshey is in town, a girl I really love too! She did the flowers so incredibly at my wedding and I did the cake at hers! She is wise, patient, gentle, godly and an Army wife to boot! She got married & moved from everything she knew in VA all the way across the country to Washington state!! Her husband is currently in Iraq serving 15 months. They have a baby daughter only 6 months old! She serves the military ladies around her and has started leading a weekly prayer group for ladies that don't even know the Lord - just to minister to them! My sisters & I loved the 4 girls in their family! We had numerous tea parties, stringed music sessions, sleepovers, berry picking, showers for one another, wedding gigs! Such sweet times... I can't wait to see her!

Ponderings.... & News

Knowing that God is sovereign doesn’t mean we must have dry eyes and respond with passivity to prove we have faith. It means we rest in the assurance that He’s in control, despite our pain. As a sovereign and good God, He is not taken by surprise when his children suffer. Rather than be thwarted, his purposes advance through our suffering. Therein lies the tension, though. God is all-loving, yet he allows this pain; God is all-powerful, yet he doesn’t take away the hurt. So we ask: Is God good and will I trust Him? These are the most important questions we can ask and answer on the infertility journey."

So this quote is very specific and it's not deeply thought-provoking in the way C.S. Lewis's quotes are, but it's True. I think the root of most people's hardship with their particular form of trials/suffering is the question of God's goodness and intentions [for us]. Having faced trials in the past, we can (with assurance) say that God is Good and His intentions are for our sanctification and His glory. Whether our sanctification is His chastisement for sin in our lives, or just pruning areas of lesser fruit out, we are being transformed into the image of His Son.

I've been reading a book particular to our unique situation and I've come away with a lot of good quotes for my benefit. I've also come away realizing that I'm not such an anomaly, what I experience on a day to day basis in my spiritual life, marriage, friendships, and family relaitonships is quite common, even in the Bible! With that said...

We have news. Ever since moving we've been trying to continue protocols at the clinic back in San Antonio. Our 6 months away from there has yielded only one trip. We've been waiting for the next opportunity, which looked like July or August (due to Jonathan's training schedule). Since we moved, we've been on the waiting list for the IVF program there, and had a spot in April 2008. Until then, we'd continue the treatments available. Now though, we were just offered a spot in the Aug/Sep 2007 cycle - yes, this summer! Shocked and astounded are the words to describe my feelings. For many days now I've wrestled with even sharing that we're proceeding with IVF. This is an issue most Christians know little about, may not personally know anyone who's been through it, may be misinformed concerning it, and perhaps hold opinions/convictions against it.

I didn't want people's judgement and I personally desired to maintain our privacy (what's left of it!). And yet, there's fear of man as a motivation in there (as Meghan graciously noted!). Then Jonathan and I talked and he pointed out that if we're really doing this with lots of prayer and counsel, and faith that it's ethical and right (with convictions on certain factors), then why should we not tell? Don't Christians need to know? Should not we testify? So, no good reasons for not sharing.

Until I walked through IF, I had no idea how many women in the church were walking that same path. It was only when one person opened up that a host of others would too. And how many of those cute children running around that were Clomid, IUI, of IVF babies!

However, please know that my heart is saddened that we're here, facing this. As much as all the repeated failed treatments had me wanting IVF, now that it's here it's gut-wrenching. It is said that "infertility is the gradual death of a dream. An unsuccessful attempt to have a child is really a loss within a loss. An infertility patient experiences a monthly cycle of hope and despair that falls within the much longer grieving process." How true! Instead of romantic lighting and gentle moments, we'll have a cold, sterile environment with a room full of doctors while I'm "consciously sedated". And yet, we are excited and full of faith that this next step is one God wants us to take. We're excited because on our own we've yet to achieve anything: this could very well work! Don't misunderstand: it is God who will determine the outcome. No one can force an embryo into existance, and no one can implant it in the uterus and produce a pregnancy. All they can do is help guide the process along. The success rate for IVF is about 50%, depending on your diagnosis. We're unexplained, so that's a big unknown.

So for now, we pray, get counsel, answer some tough questions, prepare, write our check, and wait to buy tickets for the time we're told. Oh - and for fun we get blood drawn! :)

Busy Times!

Just had a terrific weekend with Stuart and Haley visiting us! Although I never got any pictures! Was too busy having fun! We went to the Coke Museum in Atlanta and sampled 70 different drinks Coke makes, from all over ths world. It was fabulous!

I didn't post any pics from the two weekends previous of graduations. We had marvelous times and I'm so so very proud of both my brothers. Stuart, from graduating from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in 3 years with a bachelor's in Political Science. Carter, for graduating high school with incredible skills in writing (books!), medieval studies, expert in chain-mail making, dabbling photographer... I love my brothers so much and who they've turned out to be as men is exciting to see!

So without further adieu, from the 2nd weekend in May, Stuart's graduation weekend:

Stuart & Haley


Dad & Mom looking Charming!!!


Carter, Stuart, Noah - Lookin Good! Amazing how grown up they are!

After the graduation, we all had a blast chillin in the Courtyard. We played chase w/Katrina, ate my fab Molten Lava Cakes, and laughed a LOT. Oh and enjoyed a bottle of wine together!

And of course, pics would never be complete without adorable ones of the cutie-pie Robinson girls, my very own nieces! Here's Katrina lookin like a baby doll!

And here's little Shiona & Mommy.... she watches Aunt Crystal play piano and trys to play herself! May be a little child prodigy in the making!

I love this of Suzanne. A bunch of us "kids" took a mid-morning walk and got hot & sticky, but still had a blast. I think she was laughing at Jonathan "scaring" the girls with frogs. Well, Haley really was scared!

And now the 3rd weekend in May, Carter's Graduation weekend:

Dad & Mom, talking about Carter! 4 stinkin' minutes, boo! :( Still good though!


Jay & Carter - they do everything together! Even graduate. :)

PAYBACK!!!! First Carter's friends from Chicago threw him in the pool! Then, it was Stuart's turn! Notice how gleeful Jonathan is! Ryan McMahon - beware!!!

This was Stuart & Carter in the pool. I bet it was no warmer than 65 degrees! They took it well!

My Friend Jeanie

I'd like to single out a friend of mine for her selfless and incredibly sensitive heart. A friend who deserves so much more than a blog entry.

My friend Jeanie sent out an email to me on Mother's Day, early Sunday morning. For those of you who missed the fact, Jonathan and I have been fervently trying to conceive for 22 months. Jeanie's email was titled simply "Praying for you." It wasn't pages long, but in her paragraphs she communicated compassion for me. She conveyed her understanding that perhaps I may be sad on mother's day through her own trials the day has brought. And she reminded me God is "near to the brokenhearted." She told me I'm an example and she loves me, and she prays for me.

Simple words, when one considers them. And yet they so filled my heart with joy and appreciation for this precious girl's friendship. For who she is.

Why I openly weep upon reading the email was something different though. This gentle, caring girl is spending her very first mother's day without her dear, faithful, Godly mother. The Lord took her mother away from her 9 months ago yesterday, after a long battle with cancer where her example was clearly one of Hebrews 11 in action... dieing in faith, having not received healing, but with absoute trust in God's Holy and Good character.

On what must be one of the three hardest days in the year for Jeanie, she looked at the Body of Christ and thought of anyone but herself. She looked at other's pain or heartache, rather than even consider her own (which is far greater than mine, I KNOW). How selfish I am not to be more like her! How her example inspires me to be other-focused, to think of serving others and not myself! To not nurse the own pains of my heart.

I know why Jeanie did this, how she has that maturity - she has learned at her mother's feet, in her life and by her death Kathy Bowers exemplified caring for others, living as Christ did. On the cross Christ prayed for those killing him, that they'd be forgiven. Isn't that the height of not thinking of yourself? I only pray that I can learn from these women and my life would be ever more made like Christ's.

Last Mother's Day, Jeanie made this tribute on Mother's Day. I'd encourage you to read it if you haven't, because this kind of life changes hundreds of those is touched, by inspiring deeper faith, perserverance, love and Christ-like character: http://girltalk.blogs.com/girltalk/2006/05/a_tribute_to_ka_1.html

What are Your Odds?

Perhaps if I could detail the percentage game as well as this doctor, and the numbers would roll off my tongue as easily as the Starbucks drink menu does, I wouldn't be frustrated as often once a conversation on the subject ended? For all your sports fans keeping count, this is month 22. FWIW

by Dr. Licciardi, NYU Fertility Center
I bet that most of you don’t know. You were never told, but you should have been. I’ll go through it now. Please understand that many of the numbers are estimates.
Let’s start with trying on your own. In the first try, if you are under about 35, it is about 30%. In the second month it goes down a little, and if you are not getting pregnant, it goes lower and lower each month. In your 13th month (after about a year of trying), it’s 3%. The reason it gets lower is that if you are not getting pregnant, there is probably a reason, and your odds were really 3% in your first month. The numbers are a little higher if you’ve had a baby. They are lower if you are older. Many people are surprised by this number, but it’s been studied again and again. The goal of fertility treatment is to increase the 3%.
Clomid with insemination is 8%, lower if you are older. FSH IUI is 20%, but only 5% in women over 40. Future writings will discuss these drugs separately. Subtract a few points without the IUI. Subtract points for low sperm counts.
To help answer the question about when to go to IVF, just look at the numbers and decide. Cost is another factor to consider. On one hand, Clomid IUI is a lot cheaper than IVF, but on the other, the cost of 3 cycles of monitored Clomid IUI can add up. Many women with a normal HSG and good sperm do a few cycles of Clomid IUI, then a few cycles of FSH IUI, then IVF. However, there are no rules about this. After hearing the odds, especially when accounting for age, some quickly go to IVF. I'll discuss IVF pregnancy rates later.

My Strong Baby...

My sweet husband was working on this... (the shed he's been building himself!)

and he fell off. Actually, his ladder slipped. Suzanne is visiting us and we were out (at Starbucks no less). 15 minutes away. He called & immediately I heard it in his voice. I came home to a pretty pain-wracked husband and took him to the ER. Thank the Lord, it's a sprain and not a break, although the pain level could have fooled us! It was his right ankle, his left was broken with many torn ligaments back in October 2003 and took months to heal. I was praying this would not be the case. The Lord was gracious to us. We spent 3-4 hours in the ER and then I got to take J home to rest while I got his pain medication perscription. Suzanne & I picked it up with some pizza and we let him rest. He takes pain very well, although it's hard to hide it from me. I hated watching him writhe and try to control his breathing as the pain worsened and then lessened. Thank God it wasn't anything more serious and he actually could call me. I am so glad he's ok.

Called 911 Again....

Yep, I got to make another call to 911 (the last time was in October to get an ambulance). This time I made it while I was in Wal-Mart. Because....

My wallet was stolen. Right behind my back. I didn't actually see it happen, but I was about 5 seconds too late. Here's my story:

Jonathan had a night-flight. He had one Monday and I stayed home to get some post-trip good laundry, cleaning, etc done. I usually go to the grocery during the day, while he's at work. This of course cuts into my work hours turned in, but I either just work more those evenings, or take the loss. Not a big deal. However, since he had a night flight again, and our fridge was bare, I decided to do my grocery shopping Wednesday night. I was going to get it done at the Commissary on base, then drop by Target for something, and then get a Starbucks on the way home. Because Warner Robins just got their very own Starbucks. No more 30 minute drives into Macon to get one.

J & I both left the house about 7:30 and I arrived at the Commissary only to learn they close at 8. I got a few things and checked out. Decided Wal-Mart was my next best option (it's straight across from Sbux). Went in and proceeded to get about 10 items. I was in the snack aisle (Aisle 10) and had my purse (closed or semi open? not sure, it's a foldover) in the top of the basket. I was faced away from it scrutinizing the Rice Cakes. I'm alone in the aisle, when two guys passed behind me a little too close to my cart for comfort. I looked into my now fully-open purse to see NO WALLET. I see one of them stick something in his pockets. I grabbed my purse up and went after them. "Did you take my wallet?" I question. The hurry away and I tell them, "Please, if you took my wallet just give it to me and I won't report you." At this point, they split up and hurry away, telling me I'm imagining things. I cry out (loud but not screaming), "Help me! These guys took my wallet." A young man that appaered to have military bearings to me looked at me & asked if they took my wallet. He helped me follow them and confronted them. He is the true Good Samaritan. He didn't have to. He had a pretty little wife with him and could have been concerned for his & her safety. But he was righteous. Other men heard me and saw what was happening, and just watched or turned away. So many people just letting evil happen, standing by doing nothing to soil their hands. Thanks God for One. Meanwhile, I'm following Guy #1 and I call 911. I quickly got through & explained the situation. Security wasn't around, but I got to the front of the store and told a cashier. Workers (ladies, really) immediately got around me and confronted the guy. Guy #2 was missing. Guy #1 was cursing and slapping his pants saying "Look in my pockets! This lady says I took her wallet. *#&*$#*" But innocent people don't run. They don't split up. They avoid the appearance of evil. They're not uber-defensive.

The police eventually got there, met up with both guys, got their stories, searched them & their car (more guys appeared now, not sure from where), & got my story. They said they'd look at the security camera, especially since I knew the location and time (2037, according to my 911 call, which was seconds after) The Wal-Mart employees and manager were SO VERY nice. They kept someone with me, talked to me, gave me a hug, and apologized a lot that this happened in their store. I can't commend them enough. Without a wallet, the police can't make an arrest. I told the officer I understood and I'd rather a guilty man go free than an innocent man be punished. I mean that. I was a little shaken up and J completely unreachable, so I called Daddy. He was so kind and sweet and reassuring. He told me what to expect. And the Good Samaritan? He came up & told what he knew to the police, and then came to check on me before he left the store! God bless that man, for doing right. Really.

The funny part about it? I don't think I even had 50 cents in the wallet! No cash, zippo! I canceled all the credit cards and the two gift cards I had in there I got canceled too - with no fraudulent charges on them! My biggest worry was the Military ID card since it contained both J & my SSN's on it. I will not be keeping that in my wallet anymore. I got it replaced, and a Fraud Alert set for our SSN's. Hopefully that will help.

I was scared I was being followed when I drove home (not because it actually looked like it, it was an unfounded fear because I was alone). I was not mad I was stolen from (especially since I didn't "lose" much of value, especially to them). We've had our ipod, Starbucks coupons, game cam, J's hunting blind, etc stolen from us (by movers & construction workers). People steal, the world is fallen. We weren't a specific target, it just happened. I was mad my husband was gone yet again for a tramautic event for me. Of course, had he been there, I doubt I'd have been the victim. Dealing with my feelings hasn't been easy - but I do have to recognize didn't God orchestrate it all? This didn't happen apart from His Sovereignty. Maybe he has all these things happen so I can learn, but also so J and I can work on our communication and relating to one another. I know I can grow.

Anyway, by this morning all's well and my Driver's Licence is all I have to get taken care of. I may be stolen from in the future, but it won't be the same way as this. I hope I've learned something.

House Pics!

So I've been promising pictures of our new home for a long time. :) I will get around to posting all of them, but for now I'll just do it in pieces. I'll start with the room I think is the 3rd nicest in the whole house. Believe it or not, I think my kitchen is the best. *grins* Then our wonderful bedroom. And the main guest room is the next one. I can't tell you how many hours Jonathan has put into assembling all the furniture, hanging lights, pictures, curtains, blinds, and shelves. He did it all excellently and joyfully. I am so thankful for a husband that gives his time and efforts so happily for me. Thank you Baby!!! (He reads my blog, so I know he'll see this.)

Look at these pictures carefully because if you come, you'll get this special room. It's in a corner of the house all to itself, too! (We've never painted this room, btw, in case you thought I'd pick those colors - I wouldn't but they're still nice/fine!) I don't think the pictures even do it justice, because I think it's even prettier when you actually walk into the room. I love my asian theme!

Trip Pics!

Well, we got home late last night! It was 1:30 by the time we were in bed, that drive home was looooooong. Especially since we stopped at a Starbucks in Talahassee at 10:00 and it was bolted up tight! We survived by taking turns getting a few winks and then switching drivers. Next time we'll plan a bit better maybe. :) It's nice to know the beach is so close, Jonathan said we'll definitely be visiting more this summer. Yeah!

We had such a great time and really enjoyed ourselves! David & Rebecca are the best people to vacation with - it was so sad leaving them. I really praise the Lord for their realtionship with us. Their little girl was sooooo cute! We played with her a lot on the beach, in the cabin, wherever. She loved the water, waves, sand. When waves would hit her in the face (& get salt water in her mouth) she would laugh and clap for it to do it again! Is she a sport or what?!?!

I got a total of TWO pictures of Jonathan & me together. Pathetic. I'm not happy about that. I guess I was too busy, we really did spend a bunch of time on the beach and who wants to get their cam sandy? I took tons of pics of Elizabeth, though. :)

And here's a lovely picture of Glenn & Anna. They are such a perfect couple! I didn't know what to expect, but Glenn is a barrell of fun! He's such a great compliment to Anna. It was thrilling to see her healthy, vibrant, and energetic! What a blessing her healing from cancer is to her, and everyone around her. She has such a strong spirit and grounding in Christ. We will definitely be seeing them again!

Vacation!

Guess where we're headed for the weekend??? Sunny, beautiful, warm, tropical Florida!!! White sandy beaches, clear blue water! I cannot wait for tomorrow morning!!!!

We get to spend our time with David & Rebecca & little Elizabeth! If I could pick anyone to hang out with right now, it would be Rebecca. She's so understanding and sympathetic, yet so genuine and will confront in love. She's wise and funny, generous and sensitive. I'm blessed to have her as a friend. Not to mention, her tastes suit mine to a T (except in coffee, but that's ok!)!

Tonight, my dear friend for 8 years - Anna - (and her husband Glenn) will be visiting us for a quick stay! We've never met each other's husbands so this will be great! She was diagnosed with cancer twice by the time she was 21 and the Lord has healed her both times. She walked through it with faith and hope, trusting what the Lord would do. People from all over were always offering advise about what she was doing wrong, or new "cures" (medical & spiritual), yet she held a gracious spirit. She produced an evangelical tract "Answer for Cancer" that's been distributed by the 1000's and translated into Spanish and Romanian. She turned her cancer into a witnessing opportunity! I'm so glad to have her, even for a few hours! (BTW, the pic's when we were 18 & yes we bought matching dresses!)

Back Home

Safely Home! Claudia - THANK YOU for commenting!!!!! I want to hear all about your trip!

The "funny" part of arriving at the airport Saturday morning was we saw long lines coming out of terminal 2 and it was due to terminal 1 being closed due to a bomb threat/scare! I'm tellin' ya people, don't we pick the days to travel? I made my flights, but Jonathan's was delayed so he missed his connection in Houston, so he arrived 1 1/2 hours later than me in Atlanta. Not a problem for either of us, when you're headed home time isn't of the essense. We don't usually travel separate, but I was on a FF ticket, and we booked the cheapest we could for him.

After the rough start, the rest of my week in San Antonio went smashingly. The more I see my doctor there, the more I thank God he's so diligent, caring, and helpful. Everything really went as perfectly as it could. The outcome is in God's hands, but at least I'm leaving with absolutely no regrets or second thoughts about how everything went.

Our friends we stayed with were awesome! I got to babysit their 14 month old for their anniversary dinner, we all went out for dinner on the Riverwalk another night, and each day Rebecca and I got tons of time for spiritual, personal, and fun conversations. We even took a trip to Starbucks with the little gal!

Now I thought I'd post some sweet pics over the past few week's events. How I love visiting family and friends.

Here's the cutie I got to play with every day!


This was Catherine and me at a pecan grove when the Wilsons visited

The cutest and smartest 2 year old ever! & I'm not too biased!

The Graduates!!!! (in May)

And this little girl will be 1 in less than a month! She's sooo pretty!

Mary's diligently showing her moves!

Texas Update

Well, I said I'd update so here I'm keeping my promise. I honestly didn't have time or even ability to write until this moment. A really good cry and a talk with my sister Mary allowed me to finally write this without a lot of pent up frustration and hurt.

My flight out was a literal nightmare. I had a 5:00 flight from Greensboro to Atlanta. It was to arrive at 6:00 in ATL with a connecting 8:30 takeoff for San Antonio. As I checked in, I was told the flight from Atlanta was delayed by an hour from mechanical problems. A sinking feeling overcame me as I feared I wasn't being told the possible "worst case" scenario. Foolishly, I sat and waited, believing them. At around 7:30 I was told we would be even later, totally missing my flight to San Antonio, the last of the night! I frantically talked to ticket agents (& got sweet Jonathan & Mary to look for possible flights elsewhere). I prompted them to look for flights out of RDU, CLT, GSO or even ATL (I said I'd drive there - and the ticket agent replied, "You're that desperate?" to which I emphatically agreed). I had them look at ones going into San Antonio or Austin (an hour away). I wasn't given any hope for that night, but there was a flight leaving at 8:00 the next morning from Atlanta going to San Antonio. It was booked, as was the 10:00 but they said I could do standby. The best I got was a 12:00 arriving at 1:30. Understand, I had a 10:30 appointment at a very busy hospital where rescheduling might be out of the question. And missing it might mean canceling the rest of the treatment/plan. I knew if I could just get internet or someone to help me I could probably find my own solution. But my cell was dieing and we'd stupidly left the charger in GA. And a windstorm in NC knocked the power off. Plus, apparently you can't search for flights that leave in > 4 hours.

I finally arrived in Atlanta at 10:00 with the SAT plane already gone. An Austin flight was leaving at 10:30 but the unhelpful agents refused to let me try. The told me it was full, but I seriously doubt it! I should have pushed. I regret not pushing. Resigned to sleeping in ATL, I went to get my hotel voucher so at least I didn't have to fork out the money. Guess what? Yep, they're out. Only after 1 1/2 hours (not exaggerating) in line. At that point I didn't care. I forked out $200 for 3 hours of sleep and a shower. No chance on getting my suitcase, so I made due with what I could get. I went to bed at 1:30 and awoke before my alarm at 4:30. I headed to the airport to sandby for the 8:00 flight. As I get into the terminal I checked the gate and read "8:00 SAT CANCELED." I couldn't freakin believe my luck! Surely the 10:00 will be full to the brim with this! My dead cell caused me to buy a $30 charger to be able to call the doctor and cancel the appointment and ask nicely if anything else was available. I finally got the first food I'd had in 13 hours - a Starbucks Cinnamon Dolce Latte - and sat to try to get internet. I then saw there was an 8:30 into Austin, arriving 10am! I tried to get the boarding ladies to let me stand by, but they insisted it was full and they couldn't change my arrival city. Sent to another counter, I begged that lady to help. She at first gave me the company line about being full and not being able to change my city. But after tearful pleading (I'd all-out unashamedly cried multiple times all throughout the airport the last 13 hours), she wonderfully got me a seat on that flight! Not standby, a seat!

Thrilled, I tried to change the rental car arrangements. The price was more than double! I wasn't in a position to negotiate. We took off at the time planned and arrived beautifully. I got my car and wept I was so glad to see Texas soil! My luggage wasn't around (understandably, it was in SAT). I drove to San Antonio and it flew by. I actually stopped quickly and bought new clothes, just so I wasn't so haggard. The doctor kindly called me and said they'd fit me in where they could. I finally made it there and headed to the clinic. I parked quicker than I ever have, except at 5:00am. There was a line of 7-8 ladies just to check in the clinic! My doctor appeared from behind a door and told me to come on back, probably really irritating all those waiting ladies! Once in the office, I couldn't believe the nightmare was over. I kept waiting for something awful to happen. But I was there. I was getting my ultrasound, and things looked good. There were no problems. I could breathe.

I think it took until now to actually release all my anger over everything I went though. Yes, it wasn't that awful in retrospect and yes, everything worked out fine. Anger isn't godly and I should have done better. But I didn't, and I'm dealing with it now and asking God to work the kind of patience and trust in me that I don't take such bumps so seriously. But I'm being honest.

Tonight, I gave myself my first IM (intra-muscular) shot. I did awesome, thank God for mirrors so I could do it! It was so easy. Even though the 1.25 inch needle looked scary, it wasn't. The sub-q inejctions were good preparation. I've posted a pic of my drugs, the IM needle, and me shooting up with the sub-q (no IM pics, it's a butt shot). I had to give myself a sub-q in the car on the way to the airport, for fear of having it confiscated from my carry-on luggage! I'm a pro now. I think Jonathan will be really glad to know in the future, I'll handle my own shots. But I'm glad he got to do it and understands what it's like.

I'll update with more fun news at week's end. Hopefully something fun in San Antonio is awaiting me, like a RiverWalk trip!

My drugs.... Well, one day's worth.

My sub-q shot

My IM needle

Well.... tomorrow we're headed out for an exciting whirwind visit around.

Frist, we'll drive to Charlotte and stay with the McMahons Thursday night! We haven't seen them since we moved, which seems like forever ago! We always have great food and fellowship so I'm really looking forward to that! Especially with Jennifer, aka Ryan's fiancee, now a part of the clan! We may hop over the next morning to see the Freas' while we wait for Christopher to get out of his last class... How come right before the Wilson boys head off to college 2 hours from home they get in serious relationships where all they want to do it get home on the weekend (yet they have no car)? *laughs* It's ironic, Jonathan and I did the same thing! Anyway...

Then we drive back to Milton! I get two lovely days with my family and everyone's suppose to be around. Not only that, but it won't be one of those super-busy weekends where J & I are one of about 10 people visiting. It's just us. How nice! Mary and I are intent on getting some good girl-coffee time! And I have a little present I think Suzanne will like (especially since it's from Starbucks). :)

Then, Sunday I head to Greensboro to fly to San Antonio! I'm super excited about that, although understandably cautiously optimistic. I'll be staying with my best friend there and when Jonathan flys in Wednesday so will he. We fly back to Atlanta Saturday.

Yep, I'm headed to San Antonio to WHMC. I've had my blood drawn and sent over to them (a fiasco in itself) and I'm good to go. The next protocol for them to attempt is combined drugs this time - Clomid and Gonal-F for those interested. Clomid is oral and Gonal-F is the nice sub-q injection I'll be doing. I'm nervously excited. Nervous since I've had little practice purposely stuck myself with a needle. To be precise, it's the injecting that I'm worried about (some say it stings), but not the needle insertion. Excited, because every step further along means perhaps a better chance this time. Now I understand the doctors and chance do not make the outcome what it is - it's ultimately in the hand of the Lord no matter what. What outwardly doesn't look like success will be if Christ has been cherished and faith (in His character and intentions) held onto.

Of course, there is always the overhanging risk of being canceled after all the time, effort, and finances spent on giving it a go. It's called overstimulating, and simply put they don't want someone ending up pregnant with "high order multiples" (i.e. more than twins), so if this risk looks real, you're canceled. Over and over the doctor has explained this to me as we've planned this ever since our December move. I always voiced understanding/compliance, but now with the money spent and plans in motion, the real possibility weighs on me. Again, a matter to rest in the Omnipotent Lord's hands. We walk through this trusting His leading.

So... I'll bring my computer and post updates from San Antonio, as I'm going to try to visit with my dear friends and not work too much. :) Can't wait to go to the RiverWalk again, too. Jonathan and I will do that one day.

See some of you soon!

Military Wife :)

I came across this list years ago and couldn't help but wonder if they'd be true for me. Today, a year and a half later, you bet they are!!! (I edited out ones that weren't but these are so applicable I have to laugh!)

You know You're a Military Wife If...

...you can unpack a house and have everything in place in 48 hours
...your husband's work and dress clothes cost more than yours do
...you know that it's normal to light shoe polish on fire and that the best way to spit-shine boots is with cotton balls
...you only write in pencil because everything is subject to change
...you need a translator to talk to your civilian friends, only because they have no idea what DFAS, AER, TDY, ACS, NPD, PCS, and ETS mean
...you can remember where you kept the Scotch tape in your last house, but unfortunately, not in this one
...you mark time in duty stations, not years [um, yes!]
...you refer to friends not only by name but by the state that they live in
...you know that "back home" doesn't mean at the house you live in now
...you tear up when you hear Proud to Be An American, even though you've heard it 50 times by now [definitely! say also American Soldier]
...you know that a 2 month separation is short, no matter what your civilian friends say
...you know better than to go to the PX or commissary between 11:30 and 130 unless it's a life or death emergency
...you find yourself explaining your husband's LES to him [Leave & Earnings Statement i.e paycheck statement. I never thought I'd understand it & now I explain it!]
...you don't have to think about what time 21:30 is
...you can't remember the last time you saw a doctor who wasn't wearing BDUs [love this one]
...you pick apart uniforms on TV and in the movies, even though you used to yell at your husband for doing the same thing [yes!]

Happy Birthday Jonathan!

Yesterday was my Beloved One's 26th Birthday!!!! I am truly such a blessed woman around to have his love each and every day! Our hearts reciprocating the love that was birthed that June 2001 between us and it's been my greatest earthly treasure.

Here's what my Jonathan looked like when we first met....

And then here's him on our wedding day of course... so handsome!

And here's him now... More wonderful than 10 years ago. I am so blessed to be this man's wife!

No soul that seriously and constantly desires joy will ever miss it. -CS Lewis

This entry has been formulating in my head for about six months. I tried to write it a few times, and just couldn’t. Finally, I had all my thoughts completely written. I decided to post after our cruise. Then my hard drive died committed suicide Monday and certain things were not backed up. So I’m starting from scratch.
I am going to reveal something that takes a lot of courage and humbling on my part. I am divulging it to the online community of those who read my entries (which I know is far greater than the regular ones who post comments) rather than to a private, filtered group. I have chosen this because at this point, I actually believe my speaking out will do more good than my silence any longer. By baring myself, I may be helping others. Before I speak, I would like to make a few statements. I would like to ask that in what I say, you give me (and my husband, consequently) the benefit of the doubt as Christians. Most of you probably have no personal experience in this area and limited exposure. Understand that I, As the Writer, share all this already feeling inadequate, alone, alienated, left out (intentionally and unintentionally), pitied (when I desire sympathy, not pity), lost, overlooked, and very broken. You, As the Reader, may feel criticized, misunderstood, a desire to comfort (but lost as to how), optimism for me, impatience toward me, awkwardness leading to avoiding talking to me about this… I probably have left things out that you the audience feel simply because I am not you and I cannot fully understand what you feel. With these thoughts in mind, let us please bear graciously with each other. Know too that I will merely graze the surface of what has transpired and continues to transpire; don’t assume this is exhaustive. With this preface that has piqued your curiosity I now proceed…
Think back twenty months ago to fall 2005, what were you doing then? What life changes have occurred since then: job change, move, engagement, marriage, death of a dearly loved one? That fall, Jonathan and I proceeded to a very normal step in new marriage… we sought through our love to bring a new life into this world. With joyful anticipation we kept the plan from our families, dearly wishing to surprise them with an announcement… at Thanksgiving… at Christmas… certainly before our move to Texas in January! By spring, with seven of my close friends having achieved pregnancy in their first/second months, I knew something wasn’t right. I begged and pleaded with military doctors to give me a referral to a specialist for testing. I was frustratedly turned away with a pat on the hand (“there, there”), an offer of a hankie, and the typical indolent advice that I was young, should relax, and I hadn’t been trying that long (yes, this still smarts). After attempting 3 different doctors, in May my referral went through, and by August I went to my first appointment (yes, the wait is that long). After many less than fun tests and blood work on both Jonathan and me, we were labeled “unexplained infertility.” Understand, this just means “the absence of a definable cause for a couple's failure to achieve pregnancy after 12 months of attempting conception despite a thorough evaluation.” It does not mean either of us is infertile (def: unable to produce children). Period. It also doesn’t mean there isn’t a cause, it just means the medical field isn’t advanced enough to figure it out.
There are very few MTF’s (military treatment facilities) that specialize in RE (Reproductive Endocrinology) to provide evaluation and services. Without the MTF’s, the cost is entirely out-of-pocket and terribly expensive. 1 of the ~6 in the US happened to be in San Antonio. We tried different protocols there, and plan more trips in the future. My revelation now allows more openness (which I desire) for future things that seem of import in my life: the subcutaneous shots I’ll self-administer, that trip to the ER last October and why I’m concerned about it reoccurring, the last-minute flights out to San Antonio, how good my husband has gotten at intramuscular shots (*grins*), etc. I won’t post about this often, as there are times without much to say. But now I am no longer hiding…