Monday, June 30, 2008
Friday, June 06, 2008
Well... we went in Wednesday for the 7 week appointment. I was scared the baby might not be alive. Afterall, I'd had two cramps the evening before, and cramps send me into panic mode.
Ah, but no.... I caught the little "flashing" on the screen. Baby measuring 7weeks 0days (exactly what it should be). Heart rate 140. Wow. Could we be this fortunate?
After the ultrasound I had to have the regular OB first timers visit. It was weird! Most of the conversation with the midwife was about the nuchal fold test & triple screen, delivery options, forming a birth plan, and how good I'd feel in the 2nd trimester. I kept sitting there, wanting to interrupt her, telling her it was too early to talk about this. That she should save her time until it's certain I get that far. I know, that's terrible. But I do not take even one day of this baby's life for granted that it'll go on. The conversation was just so unexpected. Even Jonathan agreed to how weird it was. We assumed with pregnancy #1 = baby. This time, no such assumptions. Every day a blessing, a milestone, an accomplishment, a relief.
I have to wait 4 weeks to go in again. Booooooooooo. Then they'll try to hear the heartbeat with the doppler. If they don't get it, we'll do an ultrasound. She did tell me if I started to get too worried/paniced, they'd gladly have me come in earlier to do an ultrasound. It's reassuring I have her blessing on that, because I honestly can't see waiting a month and not going crazy.
And lastly.... just a little remembrance. Without any difference than any other day, June 3rd came and went. Our first baby's due date. That thought is sad, but being pregnant right now at least gives me a new perspective and some hope for anothe child. I try to focus on the possibilities ahead of me, while remembering what we've been through to get here. I miss that child not being in our life right now, but I am grateful to have renewed hope beating away inside me. I'm grateful God has given us Life for now. So very very grateful.
Monday, June 02, 2008
Anyway, it's been so hard enjoying anything about this pregnancy as I have so worried about losing this one too. I kept thinking if I got to certain milestones, I'd stop fearing. Apparently fear is always there. It's a daily battle. Hourly at times. But I keep fighting. Praying. Asking for help.
I'm overwhelmed by all your love (not surprised, just overwhelmed). I appreciate ANY of the continued prayers - we feel so in need of them for this to keep progressing and this baby to grow. Literally. Thank you so much.
One more day until the 7 week ultrasound, where I can get the heartbeat measured, and we can determine growth accomplished since last week. Praying so hard it's good news.